How to bake the best breakfast scones in easy steps

Remove overfed cat from kitchen bench
wipe down (bench) and remove hair
wipe out mixing bowl removing fur
scrub pastry board, unblock sink
place wad of cat (from sink) in compost bucket
from pantry remove flour etc
and furball in entrance, yes that 3am noise was real
find (chewed) packet of yeast
open window and yell I hate fucking cats
console neighbours who think they heard
I know where you shat
stumble over starving animal you fed half an hour before
gently rub shins bruised from coffee table
put on walking shoes (after removing cat)
collect wallet, face mask, shopping list
use special brush to clean off sweater (long orange strands)
avoid speed of light diagonal dash blur
when opening door
at (boutique) bakery buy (just like home) scones
wake on couch six scones butter and jam later
carefully dislodge ‘snoodles’ (cat) from shoulder
trip over (gift of) large rat on floor
avoid speed of light diagonal dash blur
repeat easy steps zero through nil and nine

Perfect Scone Recipe (photo) courtesy High Tea Society

4 thoughts on “How to bake the best breakfast scones in easy steps

  1. Dear James, I know exactly. Ours are Devon Rexs and don’t shed, but I’ve just spent $2000 and something on a top of range chair that will bring John up to standing when getting out of it. Delivered last Wednesday. I think he’s spent two ten minutes on it, because the cats have fallen in love with it, and spend all their time sleeping together onit. And you wouldn’t want to dsturb them, would you? They look so sweet. Hmm – Oh well… But $2000 is expensive as a cat bed. Ho hum… (I can’t bake scones either…) See that’s a recent one, as you’re using ‘face mask’ – we only remember ours after the door is locked. Warm regards, Virginia Dr Virginia Lowe Create a Kids’ Book PO Box 2, Ormond Victoria 3204 ph: 03 9578 5689 mob: 0400 488 100 Stories, Pictures and Reality: Two children tell (Routledge 2007) Lines Between Virginia and John Lowe (Melbourne Poets Union 2018) Description: Description: Lines Between front cover

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